Three best gay jokes that I know (NSFW)
This boy was sitting in the kitchen and coming out to his mother.
He told her: “Mother sit down, I have something serious to tell you.”
So his mother sat down and he told her: “Mom I am gay!”
His mother sat there for a long time and then asked him in a quiet voice: “I heard about that stuff. I know something about it. Does it mean that you like boys better than girls?”
The son said “Yes”.
Mother asked: “Does it mean that he puts his you-know-what into your you-know-where?”
The boy said “Yes”.
She asked again: “And then does he sometimes take it out and you put it in your mouth?”
The boy said: “yes”. His mom was so cool!
The mother leaned across the table and rapped him sharply on his head.
The boy complained: “Mother I thought this was going very well and I thought you are such a liberal and loving mom, what happened?”
She said: “And you dare complain about my cooking!”.
There was a man who walked into a bar looking very upset.
The bar man asked him: “What’s wrong?”
The customer said : “I just discovered my son is gay.”
The bar man said : “That’s too bad – why don’t I give you some free drinks on the house?”
The man drank a few drinks and then went home.
The next day he was back, looking even sadder.
So bar man asked him: “What is wrong this time?”
He said: “I just heard that my brother is also gay.”
The bar man gave him some more drinks.
The third day the man was back.
The bar man asked: “What is it now?”
“I just discovered that my other brother is also gay.”
The bar man shook his head very sadly: “Is there nobody in your family that likes women?”
The man said, gloomily: “Yes, there is – my wife.”
Three old friends met and were celebrating their reunion. One of them had to excuse himself and go to the washroom. Meanwhile, the other two friends started boasting about their sons.
One father proudly said: “You know my son has become a very rich stock broker. He buys and sells stocks every day in the millions. He has become so rich that he gave his best friend a million dollar stock portfolio. ”
The second father was not to be out done: “My son is even smarter. He has become a real estate tycoon. He buys and sells properties and he has got a sharp business mind. Just the other day he bought his best friend a new apartment and I hear they are importing the best Italian furniture.”
The third father came back and joined the crowd. He said: “What are you guys talking about?” They told him, “We are just talking about how wonderful our sons are.”
The third father said: “We all thought my son would be a failure. He dropped out of school and spends all his days at the gym. Sure, he has a very muscular body, but what’s the use? He will not even lift a little finger to help his dear mamma. But I think he is finally turning around – he has started making important friends. I don’t know what he has started working as – but just this week two of his friends gave him a whole apartment for free and also a stock portfolio of a million bucks. Finally he is doing something useful!”