Jesus Joke – Jesus 1, Satan 0 ; and “Jesus is watching you”
Jesus 1; Satan 0
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better on his computer. They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all of the bickering. Finally God said, “Cool it. I am going to set up a test that will run two hours and I will judge who does the better job.”
So down Satan and Jesus sat at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They did spreadsheets. They wrote reports. They sent faxes. They sent e-mail. They sent out e-mail with attachments. They downloaded. They did some genealogy reports. They made cards. They did every known job.
But ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured and, of course, the electricity went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed. The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming, “It’s gone!
It’s all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!” Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became irate. “Wait! He cheated! How did he do it?”
God shrugged and said, “Jesus saves.”
Jesus Is Watching You
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say; “Jesus is watching you.”
Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. “Jesus is watching you,” the voice boomed again.
The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around the room. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot. He asked the parrot: “Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?”
“Yes,” Said the parrot.
The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot: “What is your name?”
“Moses,” said the bird.
“That is a dumb name for a parrot,” sneered the burglar. “What idiot named you Moses?”
The parrot said, “The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus.”