Cemetery Jokes – Of Epitaphs and Such Things
Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903–Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the good die young.
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.
A lawyer’s epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.
Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.
THIS ONE IS EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN:-
In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.
To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
To follow you I’ll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.