You Got to have some Jews
You cannot succeed with a musical play on Broadway if you don’t have any Jews!
Have you heard of this Broadway?
Yes, sire. We don’t stand a chance there.
Because, Broadway is a very special place, filled with very special people, People who can sing, and dance, often at the same time! They are a different people, A multitalented people, a people, who need people. And, in many ways, the luckiest people, in the world. I am sorry sire, we don’t have a chance.
Well, let me put it like this. In any great adventure, if you don’t want to lose, Victory depends upon the people that you choose. So listen, Arthur darling, closely to this news,
We won’t succeed on Broadway if we don’t have any Jews.
You may have the finest sets, fill the stage with penthouse pets You may have the loveliest costumes and best shoes You may dance and you may sing, But I’m sorry Arthur king, you’ll here no cheers, Just lots and LOTS of boos. Boo.
You may have butchmen by the score Room the audience to adore, You may even have some animals from zoos Though you may have poles and crouch instead, You may have eleven breads, but I tell you you are dead if you don’t have any Jews.
They won’t care if it’s witty, or if everything looks pretty They’ll simply say it’s shitty and refuse. Nobody will go sir if it’s not Kosher that no show sir Even Goyim won’t be dim enough to choose. Put on shows that make men stare with lots of girls in underwear you may even get the finest of reviews! You’re doing Great! The audiences won’t care sir, as long as you don’t dare sir, To open up on Broadway if you don’t have any Jews! Tap You may have dramatic lighting, or lots of horrid fighting, You may even have some white men sing the blues
Your knights may be nice boys, but sadly we’re all goys, And that noise that you call singing, you must lose! So despite your pretty lights and naughty girls in nasty tights, And the most impressive scenery you use, You may have dancing manomano, you may even have a piano, But they won’t give a “dammo” if you don’t have any Jews.
Hey! Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo oi! Oooooooooooooooooooooooooo oi!
You may fill your plays with gays, have Nigerian girls in stays, You may even have some shiksas making stews! You haven’t got a clue, if you don’t have a Jew! All of your investments you are going to lose! There’s a very small percentile that enjoys a dancing gentile, I’m sad to be the one with this bad news, But never mind your swordplay, you just won’t succeed on Broadway You just won’t succeed on Broadway if you don’t have any Jews! Arthur can you hear me? To get it on Broadway, to sing a song on Broadway, To hit the top on Broadway, not lose! I tell you Arthur king, there is one essential thing There simply must be, simply must be Jews!
Oh, there simply must be Arthur trust me
Simply must be Jews!